Vasudev Kutumbhkam!

I visited Granada in Spain, recently, where we watched a Flamenco show. We had watched one in the Expo at Dubai but my daughter wanted to see it, in the place of its origin. While visiting the Sacromonte cave museum I learnt that the Flamenco dance was first performed in the 15th century by gypsies who had arrived from Rajasthan in India! Though the museum seemed to believe a dance like Flamenco is not performed in India hence it could not have originated there, we could see the similarities in the tonality and pitch of the singers at the Flamenco and the Rajasthani folk singers; the twirling tiered gaghra like bright coloured flamenco dresses and the communal spirit of the clapping and dancing used in both.

https://youtube.com/shorts/GwqtxtBAGoA?si=_nohudL1PF9rfpjR

https://youtube.com/shorts/126ioHp1pFI?si=5yZRjfrtc7MpqtTB

Having read the Golden Road by William Dalrymple, I did know that people in ancient times too travelled across seas and continents for trade and livelihood but the flamenco story really intrigued me.  Who are we really and where did we come from...you would need a DNA test to find out. Modern technology being used in archeology and linguistics should really convince us of the fact that the world is indeed a family- Vasudev Kutumbhakam!

I recently watched Idris Elba talking about how he did a DNA test which upset him and  his mum so much that he repeated it just because it spoke of him having a mapful of genes from all over Africa even though Idris Elba's mum is from Ghana and his dad is from Sierra Leone which made up only a minority of his genes.

Rabindranath Thakur wrote famously- ."..where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls....Into that heaven of freedom, my father, let my country awake!" Even as India was fighting violently and non violently to gain freedom from the British, Rabindranath Thakur warned against hypernationalism. 

Today the world despairs as we see ourselves at the mercy of egoistic leaders who have been shaped by their histories and are ruled by their selfish interests. 

Ironically today we are much more connected. Most ordinary people in most countries seem to be connected by social media. More and more people are travelling to foreign lands. We consume many more foreign products including our energy demands which are still unravelling. No wonder we are all interested in geopolitics. 

While what Trump posted on Truth social is entertaining for the most part, it also impacts our lives so much. For the HNIs it might mean the falling worth of their stock market and real estate portfolios but for ordinary people it can mean job losses due to shutting of businesses due to high cost of energy or job losses or change in career plans due to visa restrictions which in turn can change the course of their lives- where they live, who they marry! 

Our kids' lives have been impacted by so many things, we need to understand why their values are so different from ours- the pandemic, the wars (students have had to be evacuated from Ukraine and Iran) the diplomatic fallout from tariffs (when so many H1Bs were cancelled or people cancelled travel plans and got married without fanfare in anticipation) or when Canada stopped visas due to what was seen by the Indian Government as Canada's policy of supporting separatist ideology on their soil....

Recently we saw reports from Ireland about Indians being the target of violent attacks from locals against immigrants. Indians have been a target in many countries like Australia on individual basis but also as a part of national policy for example in Uganda or for that matter in the 15th century in Granada when gypsies, who were from Rajasthan in India, along with Jews and Muslims were turned away from the city and who then lived in manmade caves in Sacromonte in the hills.

We have faced persecution at home and abroad over the centuries but we still exist everywhere making a sizable chunk of the world population. Amit Tandon, the comedian explained his surprise when he started receiving invitations form the diaspora all over the world, from New Zealand to Guyana, South Africa to Russia we seem to be everywhere. 

One can only pray for peace and hope we still believe that divinity exists in purush and prakriti... in humans and nature and continue to respect both while working for the welfare and prosperity of all everywhere in true spirit of Vasudev Kutimbhkam.

Kids and anxiety!

 My friend observed that I had become an anxious person. I think I have always been so! My children complain about how I am always displaying negative emotions of worry and anxiety for the future. It’s strange my anxieties are opposite for each of my children. When they were young I would ask my son to read books and ask my daughter to not waste so much time reading books. Now I ask my daughter to get married while explaining to my son he needs to reach a more comfortable place in his career and personal goals to be able to welcome someone else in his life. I noted in one of my older blogs too how I was Consultant parent for one (the one who helps when ansked) and helicopter parent for the other (the one who hovers), an instinctive parent at one time and authoritarian next!

Looking from the outside I seem to have nothing to worry about. I too try to tell myself that, but we all build a perfect picture of how our lives and lives of our children should be, in our heads. Needless to say my kids think very differently from me. I am learning to not  dish out free advise all the time. Having them around, playing games with them, socializing with them, cooking for them, arguing with them, watching stuff together....its all been very soul satisfying most of the time in spite of clashes of will and wit!

For instance my son recently picked up all sweets and snacks from the house and put them in his car admonishing us on how we are jeopardizing our health by indulging in these sweet and trans fat packed goodies. I realised how the tables had turned. This is a conversation I used to have with the children when not buying chocolates and aerated drinks for them. Now his diet is protien packed with no sugar and processed food! I still keep pestering him about cooking and eating daal, plant protien! Its not easy to give up the planning and advising, when you have been planning meals and packed lunches, weaning foods, treats and parties for most of your life for them. 

He has also asked us to start lifting weights and going for walks. I am planning to follow his advice, but again I don't stop singing praises of yoga to him! Now he asks me what my plan for the future is! I am allowed to not have a plan, aren't I? Someone please tell him, I have done my bit for the world!

My daughter, the eldest child, who has always carried the burden of being the sensible one in the house. The one who worries about and looks after everyone, the one who dissipates tension, resolves arguments and gets along with everyone even when they are biting each other's heads off! She has been telling me how she lives in another time and hence cannot get married after 2 meetings like her parents did! Listening to her makes me wonder if we would have got married if we had had a longer engagement or whether we would have got engaged at all if we had gone on half a dozen dates! Ajay only discovered my militant feminism after marriage!

Well, our parents hadn't even seen one another yet their marriages worked! Marriages worked because you didn't expect finished products, we knew it was impossible to find perfection and we had faith that we would grow together. Now people are marrying later, have stressful careers and lives and need a certain level of growth to start with to be able to cope with their own lives while building one together. It wasn't easy before and it isn't easy today but the intention to want to be married and stay married is what is waning!

People have always said kids are challenging at every stage of their lives. Its true. Having adult independent children comes with its own set of challenges. But I think the anxiety is our own creation and doesn't help at all. It didn't when they were choosing careers, giving exams and pursuing extracurriculars and it doesnt help now when they decide how they want to live, what they want to spend their time and money on, who they want to meet and live with, where they want to go to work or holiday!

Khalil Gibran's words are my lived experience 

Your children are not your children 

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. 

They come through you but not from you, 

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts 

You may house their bodies but not their souls

For they have their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams 

You may strive to be like them but seek not to make them like you. 

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday 

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth

The archer sees the mark upon the infinite and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far 

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness

For even as He loves the arrow that flies so he loves also the bow that is stable