Vasudev Kutumbhkam!

I visited Granada in Spain, recently, where we watched a Flamenco show. We had watched one in the Expo at Dubai but my daughter wanted to see it, in the place of its origin. While visiting the Sacromonte cave museum I learnt that the Flamenco dance was first performed in the 15th century by gypsies who had arrived from Rajasthan in India! Though the museum seemed to believe a dance like Flamenco is not performed in India hence it could not have originated there, we could see the similarities in the tonality and pitch of the singers at the Flamenco and the Rajasthani folk singers; the twirling tiered gaghra like bright coloured flamenco dresses and the communal spirit of the clapping and dancing used in both.

https://youtube.com/shorts/GwqtxtBAGoA?si=_nohudL1PF9rfpjR

https://youtube.com/shorts/126ioHp1pFI?si=5yZRjfrtc7MpqtTB

Having read the Golden Road by William Dalrymple, I did know that people in ancient times too travelled across seas and continents for trade and livelihood but the flamenco story really intrigued me.  Who are we really and where did we come from...you would need a DNA test to find out. Modern technology being used in archeology and linguistics should really convince us of the fact that the world is indeed a family- Vasudev Kutumbhakam!

I recently watched Idris Elba talking about how he did a DNA test which upset him and  his mum so much that he repeated it just because it spoke of him having a mapful of genes from all over Africa even though Idris Elba's mum is from Ghana and his dad is from Sierra Leone which made up only a minority of his genes.

Rabindranath Thakur wrote famously- ."..where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls....Into that heaven of freedom, my father, let my country awake!" Even as India was fighting violently and non violently to gain freedom from the British, Rabindranath Thakur warned against hypernationalism. 

Today the world despairs as we see ourselves at the mercy of egoistic leaders who have been shaped by their histories and are ruled by their selfish interests. 

Ironically today we are much more connected. Most ordinary people in most countries seem to be connected by social media. More and more people are travelling to foreign lands. We consume many more foreign products including our energy demands which are still unravelling. No wonder we are all interested in geopolitics. 

While what Trump posted on Truth social is entertaining for the most part, it also impacts our lives so much. For the HNIs it might mean the falling worth of their stock market and real estate portfolios but for ordinary people it can mean job losses due to shutting of businesses due to high cost of energy or job losses or change in career plans due to visa restrictions which in turn can change the course of their lives- where they live, who they marry! 

Our kids' lives have been impacted by so many things, we need to understand why their values are so different from ours- the pandemic, the wars (students have had to be evacuated from Ukraine and Iran) the diplomatic fallout from tariffs (when so many H1Bs were cancelled or people cancelled travel plans and got married without fanfare in anticipation) or when Canada stopped visas due to what was seen by the Indian Government as Canada's policy of supporting separatist ideology on their soil....

Recently we saw reports from Ireland about Indians being the target of violent attacks from locals against immigrants. Indians have been a target in many countries like Australia on individual basis but also as a part of national policy for example in Uganda or for that matter in the 15th century in Granada when gypsies, who were from Rajasthan in India, along with Jews and Muslims were turned away from the city and who then lived in manmade caves in Sacromonte in the hills.

We have faced persecution at home and abroad over the centuries but we still exist everywhere making a sizable chunk of the world population. Amit Tandon, the comedian explained his surprise when he started receiving invitations form the diaspora all over the world, from New Zealand to Guyana, South Africa to Russia we seem to be everywhere. 

One can only pray for peace and hope we still believe that divinity exists in purush and prakriti... in humans and nature and continue to respect both while working for the welfare and prosperity of all everywhere in true spirit of Vasudev Kutimbhkam.

Kids and anxiety!

 My friend observed that I had become an anxious person. I think I have always been so! My children complain about how I am always displaying negative emotions of worry and anxiety for the future. It’s strange my anxieties are opposite for each of my children. When they were young I would ask my son to read books and ask my daughter to not waste so much time reading books. Now I ask my daughter to get married while explaining to my son he needs to reach a more comfortable place in his career and personal goals to be able to welcome someone else in his life. I noted in one of my older blogs too how I was Consultant parent for one (the one who helps when ansked) and helicopter parent for the other (the one who hovers), an instinctive parent at one time and authoritarian next!

Looking from the outside I seem to have nothing to worry about. I too try to tell myself that, but we all build a perfect picture of how our lives and lives of our children should be, in our heads. Needless to say my kids think very differently from me. I am learning to not  dish out free advise all the time. Having them around, playing games with them, socializing with them, cooking for them, arguing with them, watching stuff together....its all been very soul satisfying most of the time in spite of clashes of will and wit!

For instance my son recently picked up all sweets and snacks from the house and put them in his car admonishing us on how we are jeopardizing our health by indulging in these sweet and trans fat packed goodies. I realised how the tables had turned. This is a conversation I used to have with the children when not buying chocolates and aerated drinks for them. Now his diet is protien packed with no sugar and processed food! I still keep pestering him about cooking and eating daal, plant protien! Its not easy to give up the planning and advising, when you have been planning meals and packed lunches, weaning foods, treats and parties for most of your life for them. 

He has also asked us to start lifting weights and going for walks. I am planning to follow his advice, but again I don't stop singing praises of yoga to him! Now he asks me what my plan for the future is! I am allowed to not have a plan, aren't I? Someone please tell him, I have done my bit for the world!

My daughter, the eldest child, who has always carried the burden of being the sensible one in the house. The one who worries about and looks after everyone, the one who dissipates tension, resolves arguments and gets along with everyone even when they are biting each other's heads off! She has been telling me how she lives in another time and hence cannot get married after 2 meetings like her parents did! Listening to her makes me wonder if we would have got married if we had had a longer engagement or whether we would have got engaged at all if we had gone on half a dozen dates! Ajay only discovered my militant feminism after marriage!

Well, our parents hadn't even seen one another yet their marriages worked! Marriages worked because you didn't expect finished products, we knew it was impossible to find perfection and we had faith that we would grow together. Now people are marrying later, have stressful careers and lives and need a certain level of growth to start with to be able to cope with their own lives while building one together. It wasn't easy before and it isn't easy today but the intention to want to be married and stay married is what is waning!

People have always said kids are challenging at every stage of their lives. Its true. Having adult independent children comes with its own set of challenges. But I think the anxiety is our own creation and doesn't help at all. It didn't when they were choosing careers, giving exams and pursuing extracurriculars and it doesnt help now when they decide how they want to live, what they want to spend their time and money on, who they want to meet and live with, where they want to go to work or holiday!

Khalil Gibran's words are my lived experience 

Your children are not your children 

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. 

They come through you but not from you, 

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts 

You may house their bodies but not their souls

For they have their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams 

You may strive to be like them but seek not to make them like you. 

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday 

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth

The archer sees the mark upon the infinite and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far 

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness

For even as He loves the arrow that flies so he loves also the bow that is stable

My Husband (written in 1995- the year we got married)

 My husband is a great being-a computer fanatic, a stickler for detail yet an artist at heart! He loves the good things of life like beaches and music but has a desire for the glamorous and the luxurious. Sprawling homes and beautiful interiors are his dreams; making ends meet, his nightmare!

He spends like a king, that it leaves us paupers is hardly a deterrent. He has great value as a husband because he doesn't question where money disappears. Perhaps because it disappears faster with him, while he is still figuring out how. So it wasn't surprising when he came home one day to tell me that our bank balance had dwindled into next to nothing. 

My parents always lived more comfortably than most of their peers because they in those days were amongst the lucky minority where both husband and wife earned. I inherited the trait of buying brand names and finding haggling for lower prices an unnecessary waste of my time but I always saved for tomorrow, tomorrow which for me on the one hand held the potential for greener pastures, a chance to see the world and on the other also signified uncertainty and I saved for both. 

So the news of the financial crisis made me nervous and anxious all at the same time but making my lion hearted, king minded (yet adorable soul)husband understand the need or necessity to save, in this day of exorbitant taxes and prices was beyond me. 

After two to three days of searching for insurance receipts, account booklets and stumbling upon unearthed cash amounts in the process and the crisis did not seem like a crisis anymore. 

Suddenly I felt great relief that I didn't have a miser for a husband, somebody who just existed. So what if hubby dear enjoyed life and didn't  just think ahead of the times...be it the future of multimedia or utility of cyberspace (while I find it all Greek and Latin) he also acquired things at great speed in anticipation of his needs five years into the future!!

And so what if we don't have much today, I am sure we shall have enough tomorrow (???), will we????

POSTSCRIPT- 27th Dec2025

In essence both of us haven't changed much and neither has our relationship. However my frustration that  Ajay was not saving for future evaporated the day I told him I was pregnant! He was like a man possessed, writing out 10 and 20 year plans to ensure he was able to provide for his child. His preoccupation with financial planning at the time when I was struggling with the physical discomfort of being pregnant was not something I pretended to understand. His explanation was - There should be enough money even if the child wanted to go to NASA! 

Sigh! Ajay is the larger than life persona, I shouldn't have been perplexed at his reference to outer space!

Wed-cation!

I am told I come across as a snobbish person who thinks no end of herself. While it is true that most of the time I don't care what people think, I also feel sure in my head that people are judging me, most of the time. Its only friends I tend to feel comfortable with, believing that they love me with my faults because they also see that at my core, I am actually quite harmless. 

I say I am harmless, simply because I have very little energy nowadays for anything except what I am required to do for survival. In my view smiling, making small talk, putting make up on, dressing up and wearing uncomfortable nice clothes- none of that, is necessary for survival. Yet when I convince myself of the futility of trying to do these things to socially acceptable levels (the threshold seems to keep creeping up every year), I tend to believe everyone is judging my antisocial trampish countenance!

Thinking about energy levels, sleep I have realised is the one thing which makes or breaks my day! Sleep used to be tricky when my kids were young.  My profession too is notorious for disregarding the need for professionals to sleep.  However before I went through the change (a kinder way to refer to the loss of reproductive potential in the fairer/stronger sex) sleep disruptions did not impact my well being as much. 

Now my waking time is spent doing things which will allow me to sleep well. Nuances in diet - both content and timings, exercise, yoga, when to stop watching Television or looking at my phone- Age has me paying attention to all these things. I talk about sleep hygiene to my patients too! 

Sleep Hygiene is all about following a routine and what happens when you travel to multiple cities in India attending weddings and chasing tigers? Exactly, the routine is tossed out of the window like Hrithik Roshan's handset in ZNMD. 

I just came back to gloomy, miserable, cold England after three weeks in sunny, colourful, busy, festive, celebrating, bustling India. One of my Sudanese colleagues had asked me after she visited Delhi for the first time for a Laparoscopy course- How do you manage to stay away from India? Its so great! 

I had very flourishingly said- India lives in me! But visiting friends, attending weddings, going on wildlife safaris in central Indian jungles made me really wonder this time- how do I stay away and more importantly; why do I need to stay away? 

We visited Pench, a pleasant drive from Jabalpur on excellent roads and highways. While in Jabalpur we attended what would be considered the Royal wedding  Bride and groom were children of medical fraternity royalty of Jabalpur and just like the Royal wedding the Jayamaal was held in a balcony of a posh ITC hotel with us minions looking on from below! Someone said there should be a kiss like Buckingham Palace balcony but all we witnessed was a kiss on the hand!

I have realised our traditions keep our economy ticking. My elder brother got married in a tent outside my sister in law's dad's Government accomodation but all weddings I have attended in recent times have been in Hotels. Hotels do great business as do a host of supporting services like flowers, photography (which has become big business with drones and social media),  jewellery, airlines, taxis, textiles, handloom saris, gifts....Modiji had once suggested to people - marry in India! My daughter too is currently in India for her British Indian friend's wedding which is being attended by her Cucasian, Afrocarribean and Indian friends from England. They will then be going on their own sightseeing tour around Rajasthan which includes a wildlife safari at Ranthambore. Yes you guessed right Ranbir Deepika have ensured Udaipur is the coveted wedding destination! The contribution of Bollywood as a soft power for our economy cannot be underestimated.

Coming back to Pench- No we did not see any big cats! My friends who probably have taken many more early morning safaris in search of the tiger were very disappointed but I felt rejuvenated driving around in the forest at Pench. I understood that forest bathing can indeed be nourishment to the soul. The weather was great, the sun filtering through the tall trees, the water bodies, peacocks, parakeet, kingfisher, spotted deer, monkeys, vultures, foxes, boar, buffalo, Gaur, egrets, eagles, butterflies ....our jungles are so full of life. I haven't been to Africa so I haven't seen the abundance of wildlife from a hot air balloon, but I do believe nature's bounty has ensured highest mountains, wide rivers, waterfalls, jungles and wildlife in our beloved country, which we are doing well to preserve. But I also know that if the big cats are lounging around in enclosures, you get no highs from spotting them!  The fun was in imagining how Kipling saw all this and came up with the legendary story of the Jungle Book. How our Panchatantra stories seem to be playing out in the jungle. The fun was in listening to the stillness of the forest and then in turn listening to the calling sounds when the tiger was on the move. 

There have been many movies on Forests and Forest officials in recent times and the social media presence of forest officers along with actors like Vidya Balan and Pankaj Tripathi have raised the profile of forest workers. The safari was organised very well and we had a young lady aptly called Ganga assigned to our open jeep. She lived in a nearby village and was very knowledgable, friendly and talkative. It was nice when she referred to animals with their cartoon character names! Hakuna Matata! 

The Tathastu resort too had young people from nearby villages working there. The resort is built very artistically with a nice circular platform ringed with benches, for bonfires apart from a rope bridge,over a water body, spa and restaurant. The rooms were all different. Ours were cave rooms- artificial caves with waterfalls as showers in the bathroom and lighting which resembled torches/ mashal. There was a treehouse and a tenthouse room too. We also went boating during sunset to a nearby lake and visited a village where potters were giving real time demonstrations of their terracota art. Few of us volunteered to get behind the potter's wheel and we saw school children trying their hand too!

All in all, what you hear in the Western news about India being an island of prosperity, it is indeed reflected in the vibrancy you experience in India both while negotiating the crowds, Diwali lights, decorations and traffic on the roads and in airports but also when you talk to young people like Ganga and others employed in the tourism industry which is just taking off! Praying everyone stays safe and healthy!

News of unprecedented NDA victory in Bihar is also making news and my cousins from Patna have been singing praises about improvement of infrastructure in tourist places like Rajgir, Nalanda and BodhGaya! Guess I will go again and visit the Jain shrine in my ancestral district of Vaishali, which I haven't yet visited, along with Barabar caves in my maternal village in Gaya ...which is a shame!

Land of the Cholas

Ajay and I went on a pilgrimage around Tamil Nadu this January. We flew in to Chennai, drove to Mahabalipuram and then Puducherry. We then proceeded to visit the temple towns of Chidambaram, Thanjavur, Madurai, Rameshwaram and Tiruchirapalli. We flew back from Trichy (short for Tiruchirapalli) Visiting the monuments and temples transported us into another world which enlightened and enriched us and also instilled a sense of pride in our heritage, while ruing the fact that the temples which are artistic and technological marvels documenting history, complete with stone inscriptions and palm leaf manuscripts in Tamil; have not been made more popular. 

We started our journey in Mahabalipuram with the temples and stone carvings in granite by the Pallavas from the 8th century. These are not actually places of worship today but they definitely set the tone for the trip. They displayed established principles of building stone temples by the interlocking technique without plaster or adhesive. This technique of interlocking has stood the test of time for all the various stone temples which were built (and a lot of them rebuilt after Islamic invasions which looted and destroyed them) from 10th to 16th centuries in the state. 

The 2004 Tsunami has exposed some more temples of the same era but the existing Shore temple and other monuments in Mahabalipuram now known as Mamallapuram, have been left intact. There are rock carvings (of mythological tales we have all grown up with, like Bhagwan Krishna carrying the Govardhan Parvat/mountain), which are beautiful, even though the detail has suffered damage from the wear and tear of centuries. The shapes, expressions, movement and grace in the statues and carved edifices is amazing. 

Next stop we stayed at the Promenade in Puducherry and experienced the French influence in food, architecture and culture. The French left only in 1954 but there are still few thousand French nationals who opted to living in India. Thanks to the kindness of friends in high places, we managed to visit and meditate in the Matri Mandir at Auroville. Matri Mandir is a huge iconic structure which took 37 years to complete. Auroville itself is a township established in 1968 and has been built according to The Mother's vision and prides itself on its socialistic, inclusive and sustainable  principles. For instance people pay money to build and stay in Auroville but it remains Auroville's property.

After an introductory video about Auroville, we were led to the shade of a large banyan tree where we were all asked to start our journey in silence. We then made our way in a staggered way to sit in silence around an artificial lotus pond at the bottom of the the Matri Mandir and  then to the top where we meditated in the spherical building around a crystal ball which has mirrors focussing the sun rays on to it and down into the crystal ball in the centre of the Lotus pond.  It was a beautiful experience. We also visited the Aurobindo Ashram and bought some books by Sri Aurobindo. 

Sri Aurobindo was an ICS from Cambridge who was imprisoned by the British because of his revolutionary nationalistic journalism. He then became spiritually inclined and settled in Puducherry developing his yoga and meditation techniques. In 1926, he founded the Aurobindo Ashram with a French lady who was his spiritual collaborator, who is now simply known as The Mother, who ran the Ashram for him. Auroville was established by The Mother, eighteen years after Sri Aurobindo's death. We bought incense, candles etc from their shop which sells the products from small scale industries which flourish in Auroville.

 

As we drove out of Puducherry, the sprawling city of garbage heaps gave way to beautiful green paddy fields, tall swaying coconut trees and roads with heaps of paddy being loaded on to trucks or just waiting for the rice mill  trucks.  Chidambaram has a large lake and is the rice bowl of Tamil Nadu. We stayed for a night at a landlord's house which has been converted into a fine hotel which allows you to experience village life with modern facilities. Since its in the middle of nowhere they called up to check how many meals were required and proceeded to serve us a multiple course vegetarian meal on a banana leaf! It was the tastiest meal ever served lovingly, cooked fresh from fresh ingredients. The property is full of antique furniture, Thanjavur paintings, artefacts and the layout reminded me of our village earthen house in Bihar. One of the best things was that unlike the city hotels, the windows could be left open in the night with the net window shut in place to keep out insects and mosquitoes (yes they deserve their own place in the nuisance making cult). The property has a real lotus pond, an open air mini theatre and a conference hall/party hall apart form a horse carriage and charpoys sitting outside the sloped roof facade, to enhance the rustic decor.

Next morning we visited the Nataraj temple in Chidambaram. Being the first temple we visited, it has left a huge impression on us. There is huge stone gateway with 108 Bharat Natyam positions carved in it. The legend depicted in the statues is that Lord Shiva and Goddess Parvati participated in a dance competition with Lord Vishnu as the judge. Lord Shiva won when he picked up his earring which had fallen to the ground with his foot and put it back on his ear. Since this kind of a position would not have been possible for a lady in view of modesty, Lord Shiva’s win did not seem fair and Goddess Parvati retreated to her abode, which is another temple dedicated to the angry form of the Goddess Shakti. (I have recently learnt that Mitochondrial DNA can only be inherited from the mother, mitochondria being the powerhouse of the cell, i.e Shakti)

Visiting the temples and listening to the legends and history made one appreciate the various dynasties which ruled South India. In my humble opinion, the artistic excellence, technological and engineering marvels reached towering heights (quite literally) under the Cholas. The patronage of the most talented people happened around the 10th century under Rajaraja Chola 1 and continued until the 13th century under his successors. I seem to have visited the places they impacted namely Singapore, Thailand, Cambodia, before I actually saw what remains of the original splendor of their reign in Tamil Nadu, India. 

Contrary to what we may believe, Islamic invaders destroyed and looted temples in the South too. The most notorious seems to be Malik Kafur, Ala Uddin Khilji's gay general who destroyed a lot of the temples which were rebuilt by the later Tamil dynasties and some additions were done by the Marathas namely the Nayaks who ruled Thanjavur. But the major rebuilding of a very high standard was done by the rulers of Vijaynagar Empire of Hampi in the 16th century namely Krishna Deva Raya and Acchyuta Deva Raya.

We also visited a dam on the river Kaveri, which was upgraded by the British in the 19th century and is still functional near Trichy. This dam was constructed by the Cholas in the 2nd century. The dates of the dam, temples etc have been corroborated through mentions in sources like Tamil literature from earlier centuries as well as written accounts of visitors apart from the numerous inscriptions still present in the temples as well as the Palm leaf manuscripts being deciphered. 

 

The temples all have specific legends, stories, magnificent carvings but all have a black granite stone carved base of walls, pillars, gates, courtyards which is of a height of around 40 feet and the upper portion which makes the height of the temples or Gopurams between 100-200 feet in total, uses other material to sculpt more added detail to the stone carvings. All gopurams/gates and entrances have dwarpals (guards) which usually look menacing enough to create a fear quotient but interestingly Goddesses like Ma Parvati or Ma Lakshmi have female dwarpals and the Gods Lord Shiva, Lord Vishnu, Gods Ganesh and Karthik have male dwarpals. Its all very logical and organized, 

The deities and stories from the scriptures are depicted in beautiful stone carvings all around the temple. There are life like statues of Meenakshi Sundareshwar wedding with Vishnu Bhagwan (Meenakshi/Parvati's brother) in attendance in the Meenakshi Temple of Madurai. The carvings and statues made me think that these must have had the impact which Page three today has on people. Celebrity weddings like this is probably what has made marriage popular in our culture. Till now it was a given that you had to get married, I wish it comes back into fashion after the Deepikas, Anoushkas and Alias popularize it like Meenakshi Sundareshwar temple did I am sure in that time.

Karthik Bhagwan is known as Murugan in South India and is very popular with many temples and festivals to his name. Apparently he is very handsome too. We lived with the bird known to be his vehicle, the peacock in the beautiful hilltop Taj Hotel in Madurai. Dozens of peacocks walk around the beautiful property which was originally developed by a British businessman in the 19th century. It boasts of huge trees, restaurant with a view of the city, open swimming pool and rooms spread out across the hill. 

Coming back to the temples, the top of the temple or shikhara used to contain seeds. I read that seeds if kept in airtight conditions can survive for 10-12 years. Every 12 years the seeds would be removed for plantation. Even today temples are repaired and painted every 12 years (just as the Kumbh mela happens every 12 years near the Ganga river in the North). Hence the colorful exteriors of the top half of the Gopurams, mandalas on floors and ceilings have been redone over centuries every 12 years. All temples still have functioning goshalas/cow shelters, some of them have large granaries.  All of them have stone carved pillared halls or manadapams for weddings, which still happen. 

Thanks to our quiet, well mannered driver who made me a fan of Tamil film music listening to his Ilyaraja playlist on repeat, he would proactively show us an extra ancient temple or two on the way to the next town. We visited Gangaikondum Cholapuram temple which is a smaller version of the beautiful Brihadeeshwara temple in Thanjavur, where we took permission to take pictures of a young couple getting married in one of the mandapams. We also witnessed the Sandal and milk Abhishek of the 12 feet tall Lingam. Since Lord Shiva has the most temples dedicated to him and Abhishekams happen regularly, all temples have cow shelters. 

The temples also have statues and shrines of the ancient scholars and sages like Patanjali. They were seats of learning as well as economic powerhouses as they encouraged agricultural practices (what with seed preservation, water management) and even today we saw evidence by way of lakes, dams, rice fields, Coconut and mango plantations. We have a lot to thank our ancestors for, as they created Bharat, which became known as the Sone ki chidiya or the Golden Bird.

Social media has had a lot to do with my decision to see the beauty and experience the power of the legendary temples of Tamil Nadu but it was also because of the very positive enriching experience I had had when I visited the Balaji temple at Tirupati. Having accompanied my religious mother to various temples in the north, Deoghar (now in Jharkhand)and Gaya being most chaotic, commercial and deflating; I was pleasantly surprised to see how organized, peaceful and energizing the experience in Tirupati was. Therefore I insisted on morning Darshan (viewing) in the temples as I hoped the crowds would be less and I would be able to experience the journey of entering the beautiful Gopurams to reach the inner sanctorum to be able to pray. One of the guides explained how the temple's layout is meant to ensure you treat it like your body, enter from the feet and make your way to the mind or the inner sanctorum. While you do that symbolically I guess you try to move away from identifying yourself as the body, walk with people from all walks of life and shed your ego and attachments to focus on the deity by the time you reach the inner sanctorum. No photography is allowed inside in the temples which makes sense but it means the best statues, carvings and architecture can sometimes not be showcased to the world, which is perhaps, just as well. 

I was not disappointed, the morning Darshan in the beautiful Brihadeeshwara temple and Meenakshi temples were beautiful experiences complete with drums, mantras, rituals, palanquins, aartis. There were opportunities to pay more for speed darshans but it was all above board with counters, queues and receipts. The temple in Rameshwaram is most popular with the North Indians probably because the legend speaks of Lord Ram worshipping Lord Shiva to atone the sin of killing Ravana who was a Brahmin. Apparently Sita Ma made a Shivling from sand which is the main shrine in the temple. The priests too probably have been infiltrated with North Indians (sorry for being presumptuous) because it was a very commercial experience in terms of demands for dakshina.

The longest corridor of pillared hall makes for a great photo opportunity but there are not so many carvings or statues like the other temples. 

Rameshwaram is a remote, underdeveloped town and for me its claim to fame is that Dr Abdul Kalam Azad came from Rameshwaram. We saw the Government school he attended and also went around his house which has his poems, books, awards and lots of photographs displayed. Such an inspiring soul, may our country be blessed with many like him. 

There are many temples pertaining to Lord Ram, Sita, Lakshman and Hanuman due to its importance in the epic Ramayana. Visiting them makes you wonder whether the story is history or whether it is fiction, since his journey can be traced to real places, bridges, flora, fauna. There is a place near the sea where according to the legend, Lord Ram worshipped the Navgrah (the nine celestial beings impacting us on earth- Moon, mercury, Venus, Mars, Sun, Jupiter, Saturn and Rahu & Ketu) to calm the sea to be able to go out to Lanka to rescue his wife. Even today one has to visit during low tide in the morning, which is when the stones are  revealed; placed exactly in the same geometrical setting we have all seen elliptical betel nuts being used to signify the nine celestial beings during worship in our homes. In the evenings the stones get covered by the sea in high tide. One is not sure how long those stones have been there, the barnacles are evidence they have been there for a significant amount of time. 

We visited Dhanushkodi, the island from where Sri Lanka is a mere 16 km. A newly built stretch of road has meant the little sandy beach and the rocks surrounded by the sea has become a tourist hot spot with two teams offering photoshoots complete with printouts on the spot! 

I sat on the rock and watched the waves and the fishes since nobody seemed interested in them. We offered to take family and group photos for those struggling with group and family selfies. I have been wondering what we used to do when we did not have smart phones... 

Our last stop was a Vishnu temple, Sri Ranganatha Swamy temple in Tiruchirappalli, which has a huge reclining statue of Bhagwan Vishnu and apparently has been mentioned in the Ramayana. The statues and carvings in the pillared Mandapam is different with horses and horse riders, a sign of the times since this was a temple rebuilt after destruction by Muslim invaders in 16th and 17th centuries. There is also a set of statues depicting the Dasavataar - Fish, turtle, boar… etc

I found myself looking for Shiva's bull the Nandi when I realized this was not a Shiva temple like the others. We visited a very beautiful Shiva temple the Jambukeshwara temple too in Trichy, which signifies Shiva in water form (like the Nataraj temple is in form of space) out of the five elements. This temple had a beautiful 12 Zodiac signs carving on its ceiling. Apparently from the 2nd century. Unbelievable artistry! 

I have been told I should have visited the Thiruvannamalai temple which according to legend is where Shiva is worshipped in the form of fire. Personally I hope to visit Hampi and Belur next. Hope I have inspired some of you to make this trip and see for yourselves evidence of our magnificent heritage in terms of development in Mathematics, Science, Economics, Art, Architecture, Music and dance. 

Vietnam with friends

 My husband and four of his batch mates from Jabalpur Medical College planned a holiday to Vietnam, with their wives in tow, since all of us are empty nesters now. We have all known each other for many years and having met each other at a wedding recently, we were all geared up for the fun in store. 

I am not sure if the men realize how much we women (I was going to write girls but realism took hold) tend to know about them. We have heard so many stories starting from college times-the love triangles, the personality clashes, the college trips going up to politics during reunions that we have our own versions of what happened, when we weren't around and thats because these stories have been repeated over the years bringing as much joy every time; for instance the time the group went to Kashmir. 

Two of the guys Ab and B (I think I am beginning to understand why they are friends, names alphabetically similar, roll numbers were close together) are sons of Professors of the same Medical College too and now a lot of them are the elite of Jabalpur and are a support system for our family in Jabalpur. 

I have studied in an all girls medical college and when we have get togethers we hardly ever involve spouses! I was inclined to think it was because wives are good at feeling at home in most circumstances unlike the men, who need looking after.  This was reiterated by A (a radiologist, who is owner director of a diagnostic centre in Kolkata) who was telling me about his wife's college reunion. D is from Kolkata Medical College (was a a posh K..hal Kaatta then) and the nearly 60 year old boys and girls are going to go on holiday sans spouses. A did not mince words when he said that its better this way because batch mates' husbands tend to feel left out, I am sure he wasn't talking about himself! 

Well, five of us wives had so much fun trying to record slow motion reels while sightseeing in beautiful locales that there was no question of any of us feeling left out. There was also D, who had acted like the catalyst whenever the pace of the organization of the trip had stalled. D was the mother hen, during the trip too and would make sure I was part of the reels and photos even when I wanted to stay out considering how megasize I looked, in comparison to the rest and also because I wanted to spend time behind the camera rather than in front. 

I thought I was a good photographer until the group of ladies humored me and let me record one of the slow motion (SLO MO) reels. It was D who diagnosed, much to my embarrassment that I had no idea you have hold the button for the whole sequence, unlike when you record a normal video. We all laughed and shared my abysmal efforts on the WhatsApp group. Well at least it was a great ice breaker! 

Apart from us five couples, the participant who was responsible for a major chunk of our enjoyment was the box like, blue tooth karaoke speaker with two mikes! We had a lot of singers in the group. B was the Kishore Kumar of the group and his wife S crooned some great ones too in her husky sexy voice which complemented her glamour girl looks and figure. Ab apparently never sang in college but wife N let out that he actually did because he sang for her soon after they got married! So we were still learning stuff about each other. Ab and N were singing like pros too while trouble shooting technical woes (Karaoke songs, phone batteries, charging of speakers...etc etc) It was fun and it usually meant we looked forward to two hour bus journeys! 

Vietnam is a country which has recently opened up more to tourism (we now have daily direct flights to Danang, Hoi Chi Minh and Hanoi from New Delhi) and even though one can see the fast pace of development in the cities, people are simple, dextrous, hardworking and unfortunately elderly women and men are earning from manual labour like rowing boats for tourists in Hoi An where they used round cane boats (created to evade tax from French colonisers), bamboo boats in the Mekong delta and at the Hanong bay. 

Having been a French colony, people are not comfortable with English. The Vietnamese language is actually a Austroasiatic language which was originally written in a script which involved Chinese characters but has been adopted during French rule to be written in Latin script. 

This meant we had to concentrate and sometimes struggled to understand the tourist guides. However our most popular, spontaneous, animated guide at Hanoi, Tai was great at his job. He took feedback from us regarding what we would like, modified times according to our needs like extra time for shopping and bargaining and went the extra mile for us even while being very thorough in insisting to see the tickets for flight timings! 

We landed in Danang and stayed in one of the prettiest cities, Hoi An. Since it was the first stop we thought we will wait and buy one of the beautiful lamps in the bigger cities but we didn't find the colours, shapes and varieties later. The other problem was the currency- Vietnamese Dong is a hugely undervalued currency. So trying to get our heads around prices was difficult. Everything even 100 grams of fruits cost 20,000 Dong! 

We started shopping when the smart local ladies in the Mekong delta tour started telling us the cost of the hand embroidered bags and other textiles, handicrafts in Rupees. Once we realized how cheap Vietnam was, there was no looking back. This trend reached a peak in Hanoi where we negotiated good bargains and the locals accepted cash in Rupees! We were taken to a Bamboo fibre place which was selling beautiful things and while we made Tai reassure us, that there will be no compulsion to buy ,we ended up buying loads. Similar thing happened  at a place which showcased the process as well as the hand made paintings from sea shells and egg shells on wood. 

Another thing which was cheap and which we ended up getting nearly every day was massages! People seemed to know exactly what to do to make you relax and enjoy and would want to know if you were coming back! 

The cruise at Hanong Bay (area comprising nearly 2000 islands) was in a ship with two groups of six Indians and most importantly a group of single Indian women, twelve in number, with a man tour manager who could be heard shouting in the dining hall- "who had two vodkas/three beers?" When we were asked if there were any smokers in the group of 35 people on the boat/ship, the hands of few women from that group went up. Our husbands suddenly felt they were on a college trip and had encountered a group of similar age girls on the cruise! B in particular was belting out melodious Bollywood numbers from the time we got on to the motor boat which was taking us to the big boat. He was also impressive with "Baar Baar din ye Aaye!" in the dining Hall when we found the group of some very beautiful young girls singing the birthday song for one of their own. 

Vietnam was destroyed during the American war and we went to the Chu Chi Tunnels, a 121km complex of underground tunnels with traps which was responsible for the Vietnamese winning the war and Americans losing domestic support for it. People are very emotional about this and this is one place where there is a blatantly Anti American documentary playing at the start of the tour. I wish people would pay heed and not continue to create similar situations elsewhere in the world. 

Everyone talks about the food in Vietnam. Some believe its very good, some are afraid you might be fed snakes but the usual problem for a group of Indians traveling together is - "Three eat chicken, mutton, fish, three eat only cheese and vegetables, seven eat eggs, five eat fish....." Like our Team Leader Ab admonished B- "You cannot tell them dietary requirements of 18 people for a group of ten!"

The vegetarians had carried a lot of reserve food- parathas, theplas, sweets etc and they were a grumpy lot when faced with vegetable soups and salads (noodles and sticky rice was a saviour). The non vegetarians were grumpy because the portions and servings were less as seven of us had been deemed vegetarians (I was the disruptive person who wanted to have the fish and egg but wouldn't have chicken) and this was a subsidized group tour. On retrospect and since Vietnam is cheap, may be we should have not had meals included in the package. The reserve food was devoured eagerly the days we were on the bus during meal times. Both N and Anu who are post holders in the Jabalpur Obs Gynae Society were the providers and Anu was aptly named Annapoorna! 

BK and Anu have a hospital and a farm house in and around Jabalpur, but the interesting conversations we heard about, were the ones Anu had with her rather large dog! BK sounded jealous when she told us the dog refuses to eat if she comes home late, unless she tells him in the morning that she is going to be late! Anu's innocence was endearing as was D's struggle while trying to understand jokes and conversations in Hindi!

BK Sir was our Guruji, encouraged us to listen and open up in conversation. With the singers vying for the mikes, it was an important and welcome break which helped us find out funny and not so funny things about each other. 

We are all suffering from a hangover after so much fun in such a short space of time. The friend whose daughter's wedding we met at and who did not come along, as he had been to Vietnam before; has already put in his OK for the next trip, whenever it may be! Until then Folks!

Quietly Quitting

 Being a parent has never been easy and being a parent to young adults entering the job market, is turning out to be quite a milestone too. 

In recent times, I have heard my kids and others too, voice concerns about whether they are going to enjoy their work in future, whether this is what they would like to do for the rest of their life, whether they should try out/research other avenues...this after spending half a decade learning how to be a professional in one field. I have also seen them being worried about committing to a two year contract at the ripe old age of twenty one!(They would have to pay back training cost if they quit) 

Considering that these kids from the Siri/Alexa/Zomato generation (they can pretty much hear any song, binge watch a whole series online whenever they want to) I am not surprised that they have worries about life not turning out as they would have liked it to. They also have "FOMO" Fear of Missing Out! 

Like everything else, there is a word for the impact these dilemmas are having on the youngsters. Have you heard of "The great resignation" or "quiet quitting"? These are terms being hotly debated nowadays. 

Apparently young employees nowadays are drawing the line. The aspiration to "go the extra mile" has been turned into an aspiration to have work life balance. So people are saying no to overtime without compensation and no to additional responsibilities without promotion. I am guessing they are able to do that because they can (!?) find another job!

Life has always been relative- Remember the famous experiment where most people were happier with 10,000 bucks, if it was a little more than everyone else, rather than receiving 30,000 which in absolute terms was more but in this case, it was the same as everyone else.

This has always been true. Grass has always been greener on the other side. What some one else ordered in the restaurant always looks tastier.  However consumerism & international travel with people's lives being lived in full public vision on social media; is taking on gigantic proportions. This can make a 25 year old who has already travelled five continents, is driving his/her own car, who is debating investments; think of alternate career paths just in case they feel trapped in their profession in future years! 

Cliched as much as it sounds, back in the "good old days" the people who we looked up to, used to be the ones who were committed to their profession, the experiences we used to look for included something which enhanced our skills and knowledge but I think our kids are looking at their seniors and wondering what sort of work life balance do they have. They are putting themselves in their shoes and thinking do I want to be doing this when I am your age? 

The reasons for this "quite quitting", quoted in the article I read, were many- like lack of recognition, low pay, too much work etc but like most doctors I do think the MBA or managerial culture has a lot to do with it. Lack of transparency, pitching employees against one another, making them compete for that illusive promotion, not giving credit where it is due and generally making the workplace a place to justify their job by spinning numbers rather than doing what it takes to allow every employee to be able to access the resources to do their job and reach their potential is pretty much the job description of managers with a toxic company culture.  

On the other hand there are leaders like Dr Naresh Trehan who can get a whole gamut of super specialists to follow him out of hospitals to create a group providing cardiac surgery services to a city, just because he commanded that respect & following. His leadership style meant he was involved, would support doctors when they needed it most- getting school admissions in Delhi for instance (more difficult than getting into University). For my husband that time was when my father in law was suffering from cancer and he had to keep going to Jabalpur to look after him. Dr Trehan did not call into question the number of leave but then Ajay had gone many extra miles for Escorts. Most institutions don’t acknowledge or remember the extra effort! 

Other words being bandied about today are burnout, well being, boundaries etc. In my experience there is nothing which makes a person enjoy their job more than the feeling of being valued and appreciated by their colleagues. This doesn't come from any awards or stars, just comes from genuine face to face interactions which include smiles, nods, hand shakes, chats and follow up on feedback received regarding the barriers faced by the employees in not being able to do their job well. 

On NHS for instance it is simple things like access to parking after paying for it (Wow), enough staff, access to equipment, ability to plan leave... its not much, but the service employs managers to give well being sessions, monitor attendance and create yet another meaningless tick box exercise while causing a further plunge in staff morale! While other industries are providing perks to attract talent, NHS is making sure everyone leaves their shores!

We too left our countries in search of new experiences. In Delhi if my colleague was sick I would cover the shift and get paid the same every month. I was quite surprised when I reached England that we would be paid locum pay! My husband said his colleagues and him would pool money to pay the cleaner in Medical College Hospital Jabalpur, to keep the toilets clean in the ward they were working just because they felt an ownership for it! Obviously our problems are from another planet in our kids' eyes. 

Since the non medic youngsters nowadays are studying, working, playing online; I am worried that they underestimate the value of face to face interactions. Forget going up to a stranger or even an acquaintance to talk to them, they have reservations about calling their own friends! I texted him! Somehow those boundaries become more important than instant gratification at this point! 

I think this move towards online interactions rather than face to face is contributing to burnout, loneliness, depression, substance abuse! We need to rethink zoom interactions and gym memberships and think honesty, sincerity, integrity (such old fashioned words) and chats over lunch! 

Life is unfair and unpredictable but finally it is about enjoying what you have (think mindfulness in day to day life) while getting what you want!* 

*'How to get what you want and want what you have' was a book by John Gray which had a huge impact on me in 1999 when I had my foreign degree, Registrar post, marriage, baby and was beginning to feel like "quietly quitting"!!!

Divisions and prejudice

I remember meeting a young politician, when participating in protests as a medical student against Caste reservations in jobs in India, when Mandal Commission was implemented in 1990. He had explained to me that even he had felt this idealistic fervor against caste divisions in society, when he had been in college, since we don't tend to encounter the impact of caste in our student lives. But he warned that I should wait till I am thinking about getting married. 

I remember thinking about him when my parents started looking at matrimonials in the newspapers for me. Pages of national newspapers were dedicated to parents seeking brides and grooms in classified sections of various castes (mostly upper, methinks) looking for fair, beautiful and homely (my daughter recently asked me qualify what this meant) brides or handsome, smart doctors or engineers. 

However, I realized soon enough that my ability to do deliveries and abortions for private nursing homes manned by families of doctors meant that my dark skin and backward caste could be overlooked. Now when I am thinking about my daughter's prospective partners, my prejudices are revealed as much as the realization that nothing has actually changed in the marriage market. 

People nowadays don't actually mention fair or wheatish complexion (which is progress in my view) but they are still governed by the same prejudices. Caste is mentioned in majority of the profiles with Brahmins wanting Brahmins and Kayasths and Baniyas wanting same caste matches. 

I am painfully aware of how I would swipe right or left depending on the qualifications, looks, institutions of the prospective grooms; even though I pride myself on imbibing the message of Geeta which talks about knowing that the background essence and flame of life is the same in everyone.  

Its not like I have not grown up in the intervening years. A lot of credit goes to living and working with all races, colors in the course of my working and living around the globe. But most of all my prejudices in favor of fairer skin and views conforming to the stereotypes against races have been called out by my children and they have truly been the guiding light in letting go of my racist views and anxieties. 

I should know better than my children that people sitting in big houses and belonging to upper castes or classes don't necessarily have big hearts which believe in empathy and inclusiveness. I should know better than them that the most successful matches and marriages happen in spite of mismatched looks, occupations, interests, social class, color, community. 

Colleagues in UK would be very surprised that most of us Indian doctors are married to doctors. I remember how surprised I was (though hopefully I hid it very well) when I learnt that one of my ambitious lady colleagues in 1999, who had three children, had a partner who did not have a regular job. It  actually worked very well for them because of the flexibility he could afford, to pitch in with child care, while doing odd jobs. If only people (I am including myself over here) would stop worrying about how it looks to others and concentrate on their own mental stability, we would be fine. 

Most societies are classist but Indian society is openly and blatantly so. Nobody thinks twice about being openly demeaning of accents, countenance which doesn't conform to the upper class English medium school upbringing. Posh public school accents are celebrated in UK too but people take pride in queuing up and not throwing their weight around. Unlike in India, where people love name dropping and getting their way. 

I remember being surprised initially when I started working in the UK, when I met or got to know AfroCarribean women who were beautiful. This whole fair is beautiful is so ingrained in our subcontinental psyches that I ended up having a girl crush on the first Afro Caribbean Registrars I worked for. But then she was actually so tall, calm and lovely. 

The world today is more divided than ever but one has to have hope that the younger generation will hopefully create a more unified world for the future. Until then I will work on myself, let go of distorted dynamics which have been a part of my past and not let that impact on my anxieties for the future.

Covid Times

  

The one thing I have realized is the fact that I am in reality, a very anti social person. I am happy not having to dress up and go anywhere. I hope I will not forget how to wear a sari but it definitely seems like a huge task even mentally imagining it at the present time. It is possible if I worked from home, I would feel differently. But since I did not actually stop leaving the house to go to work everyday and since I was a sad person with little social life before (unless you count the number of friends and posts on Facebook), I did not feel like anything changed. I just had a very valid reason to decline all invitations without guilt, convinced I was following the rules and doing my bit for humanity by falling off to sleep on my couch. 

We have had a record showing at departmental teaching sessions and meetings where everyone is muted and veiled (what's the word when you join without putting the video on?). However speaking to the screen like you really feel passionately about the subject without making eye contact with the listeners (are they really listening, who knows?) is fine until you want some discussion and ask a question. One is met with a few moments silence like I presume one experiences if you walked into space from an imaginary spaceship you are isolating on....the feeling of absolute nothingness or perhaps infinity. 

Having got familiar with the miraculous application which has surfaced and taken over our lives in these times called Zoom, one then resorts to calling out the names of the participants for a response.  The person then has no choice but to unmute their device. She does it with an air of anticipated chaos as the whole meeting becomes witness to a full fledged sibling fight on air. Children are hushed, devices muted and we carry on until we find out someone else's mike was left unmuted as they were having a mundane conversation perhaps about another bane of our lives, the printer. Life has thrown interesting challenges in these times.

We have not been allowed to gather to share knowledge hence another word has been added to our dictionaries this year- Webinar! Mention it to my medical fraternity and they sigh in frustration! 

As working women, the workplace sometimes is a much needed break from the chaos ensuing at home. And a break from both home and work used to be the conferences usually hosted in nice locales or starred hotels. One had a chance to attend without husband and kids in tow, flaunt the saris, listen to accomplished people and feel inspired, eat and drink in a relaxed atmosphere talking to acquaintances, friends or strangers without having to worry about getting called for an emergency at home or at work. Sadly the webinars have added to our multitasking skills. Now we are having to try to learn about the developments in medicine while minding kids or patients. 

All conferences used to have a few notorious participants who asked a question after every lecture. There were always the ones who had genuine problems which needed solving but there were also the ones who loved the sound of their own voices, who loved sharing their seemingly unique experiences showcasing their esteemed expertise. However since the webinar only invites the questions in writing- the discussions are less lively as there are no pretty, angry or distinguished faces or accents to decipher, no counter questions or comments and the participants I suspect are only half listening. The charm of attending an educational event away from the familiar stressful surroundings is gone! One of the many Covid casualties. 

All of us know of members of the fraternity, friends, ex colleagues, elders who have lost their lives to this deadly disease, the impact of which has been revealed over time. There were many of us who were not sure that the lockdowns especially early on when India did it, were warranted. However all the Governments are having to grapple with having to choose between economy and health of its subjects. UAE is no exception. Like always it has used technology as well as  health infrastructure and systems to contain the infection in a constructive manner. Health regulators have had a 24x7 job interpreting WHO guidelines and coming up with their own and have done well but the New Year festivities in Dubai (Winter being peak Tourist season and major driver of economy in yesteryears) have thrown up another spate of infections. As a result, weddings, entertainments, elective surgeries have again been put on hold. 

Hopefully the vaccination drive will put us out of the woods. The Government has made tests every 2-4 weeks, depending on exposure, mandatory. But here is the catch, if you are not vaccinated, you will pay for the tests yourself, the cost of each is close to 80 Dirhams! Till now the employer was paying. Thats it, that made loads all over the country queue up to receive the vaccine, no questions asked and we are amongst the top countries in terms of number of vaccinations. 

I remember when I was training, blood borne infections like Hepatitis B and HIV were the ones which we worried about. Every day I would wonder if the blood and liquor which had been splashed all over during my work hours, had gone into my eye or into a little unseen cut in my hand! Soon we were using universal precautions- we learnt to treat everyone like they could be harboring an infection. 

Looks like this might happen again. Much as we abhorred the mask at the beginning we seem to have got used to it now. Its a habit now to press lift buttons with my elbow, sanitize my hands after I touch anything, sit 6 feet from people if possible when indoors and the only time we see people without a mask is usually on Zoom! 

Lipsticks in my drawer are feeling as left out as the saris in my cupboard.... I am trying to give them hope even as a part of me likes being able to listen to lectures while sunning myself  with tea and peanuts! 

People are getting recruited via zoom, work online and have even got promoted without getting to meet anyone in their workplace in person! My cousin who is a software engineer had come to stay with his parents when I spoke to him. He said- my work and kid’s school is both online- I am not sure how long I will stay

I at once thought about the wife whose stay at in laws could not be cut short even on pretext of school as both dad and kids put head phones on and proceeded with their lives while reclining on the couch! 

Stay safe everyone and take the vaccine!

I am because we are

In the beginning of the lockdown, following the declaration of the Corona pandemic; one of my friends who is an ex colleague, the same age as me said-"Well, we don't remember the wars, do we?This will be something we can talk about to our grandkids!"

Of course my dear friend is very evolved and enlivens the Advait (non dual) Hindu philosophy that the world is an illusion, which is to be enjoyed without attachment and involvement. Shakespeare too said- All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts...

Many spiritual teachers and even mindfulness exercises encourage us to become witnesses or observers enjoying the play being enacted in our waking lives. The problem is that our bodies, emotions and thoughts make us suffer because spirituality in turn also makes us empathetic towards all.

So then how and why did we land in this situation? For many years now we have been debating and discussing global wealth inequalities, ethical issues regarding our food consumption giving rise to veganism, the menace of plastic in our oceans, the melting glaciers, the callous expansion of metropolises,  the rich getting richer, consumerism (alcoholism in recent times in India) dictating policymakers....yet like the teen environmentalist Greta Thunberg rued-its all talk, no action whatsoever. Is it really true that nature the all knowing healer realised we weren't very good at getting our act together and decided to intervene?

Well no scientist can really explain all the phenomenon in our bodies and in the environment. We haven't been able to create a robot to counter the most violent species on the planet- the humans.  If we were asked to run the world phenomena for one day, namely the human physiology, the weather and geothermal systems, the flora, the fauna, the migratory birds, the salmon searching bears, the singing dolphins, the insect eating plants, the beach hatching sea turtles... the world would come to a grinding halt. We would be left begging for nature to carry on, yet we have trouble accepting that there is a superior intelligence at work running  our ecosystems and more importantly we have trouble respecting it to ensure we have water, sun and other survival kit items for ourselves and for the future generations.

Should we pin our hope on Governments who sell poison (alcohol) to pay salaries to people, work for corporations (since ages as described in William Dalrymple's Anarchy) to stay on their thrones, sacrifice precious lives in wars and in pandemics for their own vested interests.

Farmers in India have been made to spend on fertilisers and pesticides which has destroyed the land and left no profit margins in an already weather jeopardised occupation of agriculture causing the mass exodus of migrants to the slums in the metro cities. Today they are longing for their villages where they could grow and consume their food and not depend on a heartless urban populace for empathy, food, health and dignity in a time like this.

I hope people realise the African indigenous Philosophy of Ubuntu- I am because we are. Most religions and humanist philosophies encourage us to think of ourselves as a part of the whole, incomplete without everyone else. We cannot lock ourselves in buildings, compounds, posh neighbourhoods while ghettos, overcrowded slums, unsafe housing exists in the vicinity because when virus strikes it doesn't see the manmade boundaries, when lockdown happens we realise how interdependent we are. But hardest hit are the disadvantaged, the people who believed they had nothing to lose.

We cannot build indiscriminately, produce to kill competition and fish all life out of the seas with massive nets and then not expect the wildlife to appear on our lawn and the wild viruses on our table. We cannot let alcohol be cheaper than water, have recreational drugs available outside the school, allow porn to be available freely, make a multimillion dollar business out of shooting games and then expect our children to be able to be in touch with their divinity within, have meaningful relationships, not need antidepressants, not commit crimes and save the world.

Political will is needed for a lot of these things but why hasn't all the public school and Ivy league education got us out of this mess? In fact they have been responsible for it. 0.8% population control 48% of world wealth. Will school strikes finally see some action?

Milan, a city in Italy which saw the worst of the pandemic is building cycle tracks, rebuilding with a different aspiration. May be things will change. Hope is something each of us can have, irrespective of our circumstances.

Eight below!

Three of my husband's batchmates from Medical College (basically people who have known him longer than I have) and their wives, eight of us in total, decided to go on holiday together. Even though I was quite keen on the idea since I knew all of them for a large part of my living memory, two weeks seemed really long and New Zealand seemed really far! I soon discovered I wasn't wrong about the distance. I had never imagined the flight time from Singapore to Auckland would be ten hours!!!

I feel less guilty about my carbon footprint after Corona decided to press the pause button on the world- shutting airlines, flights and cruises. I hope some glaciers have decided to melt next week as a result and some smogs in cities have cleared. Apparently the canals of Venice have cleared and are housing fishes again.

Ours was a package holiday with a fixed itinerary. However the eight of us were picked up and shown around in a 10-12 seater van with an Indian driver in every city, which was great! Being able to interact with local young Indians was a big plus for us, uncles and aunties. 

One of them used to receive a lot of calls on his phone which used to be on speaker in the van. Once a friend of his wanted to know (in Punjabi naturally) the name of the tablets he had given him so that the he could inform his GP. Our driver was suddenly in a spot, knowing seven of us in the van were doctors listening intently to what he was going to say. He quickly shut his friend up telling him in no uncertain terms that he is not to tell his doctor anything about the tablets he gave him. We reassured him later that the antihistaminic tablets he generously gave his friend suffering from a cold are available over the counter. 

We were soon witness to another call where clearly a solicitor or someone as important was talking about drawing up papers. Poor guy had no privacy. We were all very happy for him though when he said he was in the process of buying a home! All of us with young adult progeny, ready to dive out into the world, were blessing him and his family for what seemed like an important milestone to achieve in a foreign land.
Another of our younger drivers made a gesture of "pairi pona" or touching our feet when I tried to give him a farewell hug! Guess it serves me right...I could have just shook hands, we had no idea Corona was already raising its hood ready to strike.

New Zealand has the area of the United Kingdom with less than a tenth of the population, a third of which reside in Auckland. The people are very friendly, very accepting. Ordinary people went out of the way to wave at us, talk to us about Virat Kohli and photobomb our selfies! They have had their share of debates historically like America, Canada, Australia but most of the history of native Maori people and European settlers has been peaceful with treaties to ensure Maori gained business contracts and their culture has seen revival since the 1960s. The language, culture, handicrafts and most importantly their way of life where they took from the land only what they needed. They apologised to the forest when they cut a tree!

Auckland is nice but the rest of New Zealand is beautiful with mountains, lakes, glaciers, beaches, volcanos and hot springs. The major industry though is agriculture hence driving around we saw lots and lots of sheep, cows and occasional packs of deer (New Zealand lamb and venison are renowned) grazing or resting in these large sized livestock or dairy farms. Manuka Honey a local product which seemed an essential souvenier to take home, advertised as a medicinal solution to all problems is the honey made from a single flower's nectar and causes quite a dent on your pocket when you start looking to buy.

New Zealand wants to preserve its unique flora and fauna to ensure the nature's bounty is not exploited. There is a long list of things you cannot carry into the country lest you introduce something which may change things. Surprisingly New Zealand till date has no snakes! You are not even allowed to feed ducks most places or are asked to buy duck food. There are notices everywhere making you aware of the Tiaki Promise which is a commitment instilled from a young age to help protect New Zealand-the land, sea and culture, now and in future. It has an impact I believe since even the crowded touristy places seemed to respect the promise.

We started out in the North Island from Auckland driving through to Lake Taupo and Rotorua from where we took the flight to South Island to the prettiest city, very aptly named in my feminist view, Queenstown. We then went to Mount Cook and finished in Christchurch to take our flight back. 

Contrary to my expectations the whole holiday was irrepressibly wonderful. Knowing people for a quarter of century ensures conversation never stalls, there is never any dearth of inside jokes, pulling each other's legs is easy and generally lot of energy is saved when there are no grumpy young adults or squabbling ones to contend with. (No thats not true, I did miss my children hoping they would one day marvel at the glow worms while boating in the dark on underground rivers in silence, the cathedral like limestone caves, the geysers and the glaciers like I did and also wondered whether they too would have enjoyed the jet boat ride as much as I did) 

There were adjustments to be made though. I never seemed to believe it was worth my time to look around shops while others had to be dragged out of them if we were short of time. There were some of us who were amongst the oldest but suffered from the teenage affliction of FOMO- fear of missing out. They were willing to climb to the bottom of the earth and the top of the mountain, remain awake through four hour car journeys and look for onions in a resort village, just in case... just in case they were to miss out on experiences which definitely are in my view more precious than belongings. 

Then there was food. Some of us wanted to taste everything which google said we should try while others mostly vegetarians were happier with Indian food. I know there are  those who believe if you are killing, it doesn't matter which animal you kill to satisfy your gastric juices but some in the group were the chicken lamb fish variety, others who additionally had no problems with pork and bacon and then there was me- the piscetarian, then the vegetarians who ate egg and then there was a Jain menu person too in the group! Ice creams saved the day as they were a favourite with all! The most famous one Hokey Pokey is made of honey comb toffee and vanilla apparently . Thank God for all the activity, the carbs were used up very well. 

We had some nice get togethers in our hotel rooms with Indian snacks, ready to eat Indian meals, takeaways, New Zealand wines and of course you can't imagine middle aged male Indian doctors without whisky can you? We did have teetotallers who were asked strictly not to refuse the 10 millilitres of wine which is offered on the winery tours, to make us all believe we were being given entry into the elite class of people who would not feel out of place in the drawing rooms of the classy people swirling their glasses. Having said that after three wineries and a mix of red, white, oaked and fermented......I was happily passing mine on to those eager not to let the free dose go waste. 

Another welcome and interesting observation on this holiday was how much control the women enjoy past the age of fifty! Marriage is a unique phenomenon where the sooner you realise that you cannot be happy if your wife isn't, the better it is for the marriage.  The wives, let me clarify have done their bit of trying to please all and sundry and are now the Queens! Obviously some of our friends have been married for thirty years. Watching them maintain the balance and equilibrium while each spouse with years of experience rocked the boat occasionally, knowingly or unwittingly or just for fun knowing exactly when to stop, safe in the knowledge that the boat rather ship would not change course easily; was fun.

I wish we could go on more holidays like these though I do think we are more likely to meet at weddings and one on ones rather than all eight of us in a van taking a road trip!

Kolkata Durga Puja

My husband's hometown is Jabalpur  and as a result I have experienced festivals which I had never heard of before. Naag panchami where snake charmers play music from the gourd bugle and deftly handle their snakes, for a few rupees.Holika where the idols are displayed all around town the day before Holi. Holika being a villain in Hindu mythology, is liberally dressed in a bikini, with shades and a hat, in jeans, may be selling vegetables dressed in a tribal sari while sitting on a wood trolley/thela or other such creatively imaginative postures and costumes.

My husband appreciates, creates art and as a young person growing up in Jabalpur, he actively participated in all festivals by creating Ganpati, Durga Puja pandals and decorating the Tajia on Muharram. Hence he was very interested in seeing the Kolkata Durga Puja. I had heard about the crowds one encounters during Pandal hopping, hence I contacted my brother's friend and classmate who is a Senior Police Officer posted in Kolkata. I sure am glad I did.

We reached 4am early morning on Shashti but the streets were already lit up, Devi ma was adorning the pandals, young people on foot or bikes were roaming the streets; roadside eateries were serving food. I was told that instead of being a 4 day festival it had become a ten day one. Apparently there is also a Puja carnival which has been happening for past 2 years (I am guessing since right wing politics seemed to become popular) where the best Durga idols are floated past the dignitaries sitting on suitable temporary structure on roadside making sure they are seen on television, flagging them past. Politics and business/industry have to work synergistically to keep everyone happy. The commercial value of the ten day festival is clearly visible. Every few hundred metres there is a Puja Pandal, complete with beautiful lights and decorations, patrons, advertisements, stalls selling food, jewellery, toys and the expenditure incurred for the temporary structures which are on show for a short period of time is as spectacular as the Pujo itself.

We were asked to come to Tolly club that evening at 5.30 pm, from where we were supposed to go pandal hopping with the top cop. We reached the meeting place to realise there was a stage at the end of the room from where an official was laying out routes of Durga Puja pandals which were going to be assessed by "judges," esteemed men and women from all walks of life including diplomats, dancers, theatre personalities, journalists etc who had been divided into groups to be able to cover the vast city with the innumerable Pujo Pandals. We were going to gate crash the group headed by Mr Vivek Sahay, ADG Traffic. There seemed to be few actual named judges but a substantial tail of tag alongs like us who made up a convoy of 7-8 cars which were instructed to dedicatedly tail each other to ensure we did not lose time getting lost in traffic. We were following the  ADG's car which had an easily identifiable sign near the licence plate- 3 stars! This was promising to be an interesting evening. We were soon feeling like celebrities as our convoy was given way by traffic policemen  on busy roads and closer to our destinations, by the organisers of the Pujo being judged. As we got out of the cars looking like busy teachers needing to finish our assignment of assessing the Pujo, the crowds were barricaded at the entrance and held until we went inside and had our five minutes of looking around, experiencing the amalgamation of art, music, tradition, religion and intellectual expression in an empty pandal. One of the organisers would explain the theme to us while others would show the judges practical things like fire escapes, water source, municipal permission etc. Then we would request them to let the public in and would leave mostly quite overwhelmed by the themes, decorations and Ma Durga. Apparently Art students conceive the ideas for each project and build it from scratch to see their ideas conceptualise and come alive. Its a tremendous effort and herculean task but the honesty of the dedication comes through.

One of the Pandals was shaped like a ship, had the sound of crashing waves as one walked in while the Titanic music played on the inside for Ma Durga. Next one we went to had a respect for all religions as the theme and hence had Ma Durga in a Buddha pose (we saw another pagoda shaped pandal replete with Buddha, the revolving drums and dragons) with all the walls covered artistically in cut out symbols of the three main religions the Aum, the Cross and the Crescent Moon. It also had a sculpture of three babies tied together with a national flag lying in front of the Devi Ma. There was one with a war and world without borders theme which had a make believe aeroplane and paratroopers on the outside, walls full of photographs from the partition/1971 war. They had displays of all passports and other symbolic messages coming alive through their creativity all in presence of Ma Durga. I read later that one Puja Pandal, a replica of Harminder Sahib a sikh Gurudwara was termed blasphemous. I saw so many beautiful replica's of palaces, temples etc even I wondered if some day someone would take the liberty of making the Taj Mahal for instance and whether that would be considered blasphemous. Another pandal had a traditional Ma Durga in the centre but had pictures of iconic women on the sides which would change for instance every few seconds from looking like Mother Teresa to Ma Durga. It was very clever, tastefully done and beautiful.

The intellectual level of the Bengali Bhadralok creating the themes and pandals was making us awestruck even as we saw the thousands of ordinary people walking patiently, thronging the numerous pandals without any pushing, jostling, groping, pickpocketing. Kolkata has always held a special place in my heart and it  raises the bar every time I visit it. Jai Ma Durga.

There were incredible displays of lights on gateways to the Puja Pandals. There were sculptures covered in lights some of them actually robotically moving ducks and Warring Gods or vertical cutouts outlining  birds, animals, people which were live in their displays. We wondered if they were made in China but were told they came from Burdwan!

Pandals as high as multistoried buildings, covered on outside with jute cots or having a live robotic electrically operated model made of colourful threads artistically displayed, or having the replica of Sanchi Stupa gateway as halo to the Goddess, a pandal looking like a giant metal vessel with beautiful engravings, threads with bells at the end around the walls, rising smoke, visual depiction in 3D art of a poem about Radha Krishna, meditative music accompanying a light display which takes you deeper into the pandal, Devi ma in different avatars...there was no dearth of creative ideas. One pandal had an underwater theme with fishes, jelly fishes, shells etc and most importantly had Ma Durga looking like she was diving with her sari and hair tousled in one direction. That Devi ma so real, so modern yet so beautiful and awe inspiring, she was my favourite.

We went to the one where there were CCTV cameras and police presence due to the real gold jewellery that Ma Durga was wearing but to me the love of art and intellectual expression mattered more than whether the jewellery was real or not. I am a complete bore where such things are concerned. I don't see or remember jewellery, cannot tell real and designer from fake and street brand. Everything expensive is wasted on me as was a lot of the art which my husband was devouring like a hungry student.

Then we went to Belur Math. There I realised where the idea of having all religion motifs in a building came from. Belur Math the monastery founded by the young Swami Vivekananda, which is the headquarters  of the Ramakrishna Mission an organisation who believes in serving all people irrespective of caste, religion or race has Christian, Buddhist, Muslim and Hindu motifs in its architecture. It also has a huge painting outside of Sri Ramakrishna Paramhans saying- However many views, as many paths in English, Bangla and Hindi. Joto mot, toto poth.

Belur Math's Durga Puja is an antithesis to the light sound action, art glamour beauty of Kolkata. Ma Durga was modestly decorated, the puja with the Sanskrit mantras was on the public address system, people were asked to open their shoes, switch off mobiles and separate spaces were organised for men and women to sit and feel the peace in the atmosphere. I wish I could go back there again.

I managed to perform the Pushpanjali (flower offering to the Goddess) on Ashtami like we used to when we were children and my parents were around; in the Avni society's Barir Pujo. Apparently the smaller scale housing societies and home Pujos too have a competition within Barir Pujo or Home Pujo. It was great to be able to see and feel the presence of Ma Durga around me in the magnificently converted parking area. Initially I did not realise that the red bricks, the bay windows were not real and part of the Puja Pandal. Of course I had my ever discerning hubby by my side. We had luchi aloo too.

Final stop before we took the train from Kolkata was Bhog (food offered to the Gods) at our host's friend's place. It was a big mansion housing a big joint business family, with a beautiful Ma Durga whose idol was smaller in size but made up in beauty and sophistication. Though I must say I found two kids, cousin brothers dressed in black kurtas and Bengal Handloom dhotis looking  the most dapper. The actual Bhog was delicious and special like all food served at religious ceremonies and out of temples and Gurudwaras. But that was followed by Bengali vegetarian and non vegetarian food including the traditional fish preparation served to us in a sit down lunch exclusively catered by the famous chain specialising in Bengali food, founded in 2003; 6, Ballygunge Place. I still savour the taste. Last time I experienced this lovingly served sequential fare while sitting down in rows in batches was when I was in high school in Asansol and attended weddings. I hope in times to come we will be able to capture videos of the flavours and aromas.

For now it the whole experience is locked in my soul and this is a small effort to share my pleasure.

When we are all fifty!

We recently had a reunion of fifteen of our batchmates in Goa. I have been in touch on social media with a lot of people from the schools and colleges I have attended and met a sizable chunk of our batch at the 25 years medical college reunion. However, I just did not expect these two nights in Goa with friends and batchmates to be as magical and stuff from the movies as it turned out to be.

We were staying in a beach resort. We had been allotted double rooms in separate double storied cottages walking distance from the beach. So it was a bit like old times where we had friends as roommates and got together for meals, games and outings. Yes, we seemed to pack a lot into the two days thanks to our super organised leader. She is apparently a Professor of microbiology. I must say I am tempted to leak pictures of her in her beach wear and trendy dresses to her students. But I am sure they already think she is pretty cool.

There was a time just a few years out of college, when if we met old batchmates the discussion revolved around people's careers and who was doing what and where. At that time traces of the rivalry and competition of the classroom remained in our interactions. Then after many years during  the run up to the 25 year reunion we all connected on the very active social media. While we were all interested in where everyone was, their families or lack of it, everything seemed to matter less. Best part of the reunion for most of us was the girl's night out when we all stayed together without our respective families in a hotel in Gurgaon, where  we danced, drank, chatted and generally gave up on any serious catch up!

Goa however, was a prolonged girls night out! Everybody had come to have fun. We each had been through challenges which life had thrown at us and while some were perceived to be bigger than others we had mutual respect for each other because no two journeys were the same and after all we had made it to Goa and that's all that mattered. But the smaller group and longer time together allowed for fun times as well as heart to heart chats which surfaced at odd times while trying to get to sleep, while waiting for the third friend or at breakfast.

The size of the group also allowed fifteen of us to pile into one room to chill, play games or dance! Booze helped some to let their hair down while some were high without it. Bikinis, skirts, shorts, dresses, legs, cleavages, halter necks nothing seemed to cause any raised eyebrows amongst us and anyway who cared about the rest. Well not completely true, we did camouflage vodka/rum in innocent looking water bottles which we carried around to cater to the pious image of Indian women which people have.

We were there for two days and we wanted to make the most of it. We had an off road drive in a truck to the shack near the beach for dinner one night and we dined & danced while we cruised in a private yacht on the River Mandovi on another night!

The drive from our hotel to reach the river for the cruise, though was one of the most memorable for me. As we got into the bus which had been pre arranged they told us we are late and we are going to catch the worst traffic. True to the prediction we reached the point when our google maps spelt out the doom gloom situation of bumper to bumper traffic which was most likely going to mean the cruise would be delayed. A call to the cruise coordinator confirmed that we would still be able to cruise even if it would be late.

Once we realised we were stuck, we decided to forget about our destination and enjoy the journey. We started singing songs then played antakshari to wake up the backbenchers and then we changed the rules of the game. It was words and themes rather than letters which were going to be the cue for the next song. We had a whale of a time competing with each other, making fun of each other and intermittently actually enjoying someone's song, when they knew it and sang it well.

When we reached, we realised we had been on the bus for four hours! The horror of it struck home when one of us questioned- "Can you imagine what that would have been like if you had been with your family?"

Everyone agreed things would have been pretty much the same for all of us with the husbands blaming us for taking too long to get dressed and kids moaning like it was our fault there was a traffic jam!

We are now getting over from the hangover from Goa while planning the next getaway! Big girls know how to have fun!