India- a land of many problems and many more solutions

Honestly, one doesnt just marvel at the weaving, chaotic traffic in India, one actually starts to believe in a superior force, God maybe or maybe just positive energy...which must have a hand in running this part of the world.

Life has a breathless pace, as money is snatched out of your hands to let you out of the barriers at toll bridges and parking spaces. Nobody waits, nobody follows any rules (not in Greater Noida) and if you do, you become dangerous and a liability for the variety of traffic on the road.

I have been mouthing a "thank you" to the poor security guys of my building, who get up and open the gates every time I leave or enter the building campus. A tiny gesture like that of making eye contact and smiling, brings forth odd reponses. The perplexed frown which met my gaze initially, has slowly grown into a smile or a raise of hand in greeting, which is nice.

But taking a break in India is indeed- great! I would recommend it to everybody. Take a break- take a chill pill- its good for your body and for your soul.

One faces many problems, but one also finds unique solutions and obviously, when you look around, your problems seem miniscule compared to the man on the street's problems or even the government's or the system's....

Everbody is aware of the lack of urban space and infrastructure and one would think parking would be such a problem in city centres. But in reality there is always, at all times of the day and night, somebody to guide you to the available space, even park your car in a tight squeeze, if you are not a skilled driver and help you get out, by stopping the traffic for you, amidst lights, bleating horns, cycles and pedestrians- All for a paltry sum of 10-20 rupees.

Similarly, I was worried about facilities for children for swimming, tennis etc. I need not have worried, sports complexes are coming up and are being fully utilized. So you can get daily swimming, tennis, basket ball lessons ....That brings forth different problems with Indian parents and commercial institutions. The tennis coach was complaining the other day- Kids who cant feed themselves are being sent to us to learn tennis! Truly, you can see pretty 3-4 year olds with skirts, shoes and wonderfully light tennis rackets, all Sania Mirzas in the making.

Watching recorded television programs and movies on demand, on digital TV, shopping in Air conditioned malls with empty multiplexes and crowded food courts, watching the skyline with the Delhi Metro, going on long drives with Miaow FM radio on expressways and flyways, paying bills in drop boxes, getting everything and everybody from servicing of chimneys to changing flat tyres by making a call, listening to Bollywood caller tunes....Delhi or may be NCR is a very different experience, as compared to a few years ago!

Live-in or married

I watched Barkha Dutt's talk show on NDTV after the Supreme Court of India said there was nothing wrong with premarital sex or live in relationships. I honestly never realized it was a crime, if the partners were over a certain age and had consented to the act.

Having heard all the excitement on what I call the channel of "lipstick journalism", I looked up the news and realized the Courts have long since maintained this, but NDTV is our crusader for all the Western values including gay rights, pub culture, live in relationships....spends hours of precious prime time TV to these issues, while the country reels under corrupt governance and slow progress in areas of crucial importance such as infrastructure, health and education at grassroot level.

Khushboo (the actress who had 20 cases against her for saying it is alright to indulge in premarital sex as long as one uses precautions), her lawyer said- "Living in should not be an aspirational value, as values such as these have broken Western societies and the world is looking up to India simply because of its unique social fabric which is a result of its traditional values..."

Probably commissurate with my grey hair and teenage daughter, I completely agree with this. Yes, people do have rights and should not be harrassed if they are living together, but in spite of the law of the land, I would prefer it never to recieve "social sanction", even though that remains only a dinosaurish wish on my part.

A 20 year old man said on the show-"Marriage has to go." Uh o ok...what can we say? Shaadi. com guy said- "Institutions have to be challenged and then they emerge stronger" All the sugar and clarified butter in your mouth, pal. (Tere muh me ghee shakkar) May your business scale the skies- may our children get married and live happily ever after.

In the UK though, married, single, single with partner, separated, divorced....all are in equal proportions in the society and I meet so many young nurses or midwives who decide to get married, after a few years (and a few children) of living together. It seems like a huge waste of few thousand pounds on a lavish wedding, (dress, cake, hall, food, drinks...etc) and I have often questioned the rationale-"do you feel any different as Mrs so and so?".

Most of the time they are emotional and romantic and see it as a confirmation of the man's love and commitment to the relationship. Some believe one should be married before having kids, others think names of children and money matters are better managed. Yet, I dont get a satisfactory explanation and most of them are happier

I think a change is always nice. However, it is not so easy for married couples to change status-"chalo ek baar phir se ajnabi ban jaaye...hum dono" No, one can't do away with the familiarity of marriage, where the allegation is that the partners take each other for granted and the dynamics is different.

Listening to Kalpana Lajmi who has been living with Bhupen Hazarika for past 38 years, it seems she didnt marry lest she be asked to cook dinner and dress in a sari, everyday. But the dynamics in marriages today are different anyway. Who can be expected to dress and cook traditionally? Not the present jean clad, texting generation brought up on McDonalds and Pizzahuts.

Then there are the celebrities who love to marry in style, in castles and fortresses only to realize they want time out. Simon Cowell is the latest eligible half century old bachelor who has offered a prenuptial contract of God knows how many thousands of dollars and home worth what they will be living in at the time, to his fiancee, who it is predicted, will jump at the offer. So you marry with a back up plan about how to split amicably. How strange and unromantic, might as well just live together, but then I am already a dinosaur.

The Supreme Court and National Commision for women believes that if the rights of women are same if they are married or in a long term relationship, the charm of a live in relationship, which curiously is attractive because of the "No strings attached" clause will fade and the institution of marriage will remain strong.

Wonder what the twenty somethings in urban India think about that. Being a gynaecologist exposes you to the dynamics of relationships everywhere you work, be it UK, Bahrain, South Delhi (designer class) or Noida (call centres).

Live in and party out or get married and stay put? Choice is yours....

IPL fever

Madingley Hall in Cambridge, where I attended the course "Teaching the teachers to teach", is an example of medieval opulence. Built in the 16th century, it was rented to the Prince of Wales in the 19th century when the young man attended University in Cambridge.

It was a historic setting, with the carved doors, designed ceilings, painted glass windows and wall size paintings, for our non medical, non powerpoint presentations, which ranged from juggling, judo, wonderwoman, rifle shooting and chicken curry to how to declutter your house and what to look for while buying a pram. These were meant to break the ice between participants, who varied from the junior most to the senior most in the NHS heirarchy.

Having been witness to the IPL fever on Indian and English news channels, it came as no surprise when one of the Indian consultants stood up to present-"Why is IPL so successful?"

It must have had an impact, because later on, a white British girl while toying with ideas of what she could learn from her male Indian anaesthetist colleague in a 5 minute teaching session, decided on "rules of cricket." I must admit that ketamine did figure in her list of things to learn from Indians, but cricket got the thumbs up.

IPL is to India and the Indian media, what football used to be, to the British. I say used to be, because now the contrasting news on BBC is usually about how much in debt the football clubs are and how many are going bust. It is being revealed now that players have been paid more than what has been collected in revenues and the big bucks which made the football players, heroes and role models for youngsters, are losing a few zeroes.

The excitement on the ground in India, though,with the bright coloured teams (yellow superkings, purple knights, blue royals), glamourous owners (a coming together of the two most watched- cricket and Bollywood) and sexy cheerleaders, is just catching. In Lalit Modi's own words- "There is no recession in IPL."

Corporates ensure the flow of big money. The corporates are taking over everything- hospitals, movies, sports, education and the media (Rann, the movie was a fantastic take on that). But then big money seems to get bigger and bigger for the chosen few, in the nexus of politicians and industrialists. For instance, Tony Blair earned 12 million pounds after he stopped being Prime Minister, 6 times more than what he had earned before. Banks seem to pay big bonuses (20% of taxpayer's money which was provided as a bailout to failing banks) no matter what. Their policy has been called "Heads I win, Tails you lose". The crores which emerge after being tucked away in politicians cupboards in Jharkhand make democracy a joke and the value of money, a concern.

Money started by being such that you could redeem an equivalent of gold or silver but gradually over the years, countries did away with any equivalence in gold reserves and then it came to the stage where the US dollar became the "gold standard".  China with its mounting dollar reserves, watched in dismay, as the dollar threatened to sink like a concrete slab in the Thames, at the height of the crisis. But try as you might, with the world so connected, it is not easy to disentangle oneself from the mess created by unregulated capitalism.

Mohammad Yunus, the founder of the Microfinancing bank in Bangladesh, who won the Nobel Peace prize (well deserved, unlike others) was asked after the banking crises about whether the Grameen Bank would be affected. He said, very refreshingly that our loans are based on real assets like goats, cows and land, not on virtual instruments, like in the corporate banks.

IPL meanwhile is raking in the moolah- merchandise, matches, theatre screenings, TV rights....... Lets watch Brett Lee bowl, Priety Zinta cheer, Shilpa Shetty pout, Shahrukh Khan stammer and May the best team win!

Life- the best teacher!

Bill Gates was talking to the high school students about everything, which he believed that neither books, schools or parents taught them. The message I liked most was- Life is not fair. No, I agree, life is not. You can spend your teenage thinking why God made your boobs smaller than your bum and then realize as you grow older that it is not just genetic issues, it is a host of small and big things like in-laws, exams and jobs, but then you can always look around and find somebody, who thinks your life is perfect, or so it seems to them. Well actually if you think from their point of view, the imperfections in your own life become faint and the positives push you along. What constitutes a good life is something, which is different for everybody and tends to change for each of us all the time. .


I have been trying to cheer myself up with the resigned views of the Geeta. "What happened was for the best, what is going to happen is the best and what is happening now is great." Well, I wish I had this faith in the almighty, I could breathe in deeply as I saw my daughter get up late (jo hua, acchha hua), take ages combing her hair(jo ho raha hai, wo achha hai) and not worry that she will miss the bus (jo hoga, acchha hoga)

No I think this is a simplistic view of the Geeta. Geeta asks you to do your best, while having faith not to worry about results. So it is important that you set the alarm, try to get out of bed and get ready on time but if you cant find your socks or the alarm clock goes bust, you should have the faith that all the shouting that you get from your parents and a miserable day at home with the Maths book, will be good for you. Life is like that, what seems then, like the end of the world sometimes, is just the beginning.

Another message from Holy Geeta is-"Whatever is yours today, was somebody else's yesterday and will be somebody else's tomorrow." This is a good thing for wives to remember, when faced with unresponsive husbands, who have their eyes glued to Pamela Anderson on Baywatch.

Another thing that Bill Gates said was- Life doesnt allow you time to find yourself. I agree. While in student life, your mind is free to roam, experiment, dream and get influenced by. The oppurtunity to do that as you get older becomes scarce. The rat race to be smarter than your mates in college coupled with the daily struggle to walk the tightrope of being a good mother or wife comes in the way. I wanted to be a school teacher until I learnt that it wasnt what would be considered a top job. I think as you grow older, you become an onion with peels of influences around you, taking you more and more away from the real you. I wish schools, parents and teachers would encourage children to remain original in thought and not become a dangerously homogenous sea of ambitious wannabes tumbling out of the assembly line.
Bill Gates also said "Nobody cares about your self esteem" When you have seen it being crushed around like a sweet wrapper, you realize what this man is saying. The problem is, though that it is not until you go through life can you actually imbibe all these lessons. All of us have heard about the survey which asked people to choose between earning 10, 000 while others earned 8,000 and earning 12000 when others earned 13,000. Most respondents said they would prefer the first, meaning they would prefer to earn less money in actual terms as long as it is more than what others earn. So clearly, all the fat bonuses and salaries are just to feel good, not for what money can buy, after a certain hundred thousands, I would think.

I wish self esteem wasnt about your pay packet, but it often is. It is about position, it is about skills, but mostly it is about what others think of you. Everybody, even the most cynical and eccentric people worry about what certain people would think of them. Self help books tell you to stay away from people who are bad for your self esteem but sometimes you dont have a choice.

I remember now, what my father or mother may have said, when I was in school or college, little sayings or proverbs, sometimes, to elicit what they had learnt the hard way. "Oppurtunity does not knock twice", "Life has no short cuts", "If you aim for the sky you will reach the palm tree" "Take your critics seriously, they brighten up your surroundings" Those were words then, they only give us wisdom now. Life is indeed the best teacher.

NHS- a melting pot

When I came to England for the first time in 1998, I was not expecting to meet and get to know people from so many nations. My Italian colleague could not understand why I spoke to my Indian (Goan/South Indian) friends in English while I seemed to use my own tongue to converse with people from Pakistan. It made matters worse for the poor man, when we tried explaining that the two languages had different scripts, but were spoken in a similar way. He had enough trouble remembering names of my colleagues from Africa, Middle East and South East Asia. Greek, Polish, Russian, German, Egyptian.... NHS employs them all.

2009 here in our staff residences, has been a good year. The celebrations started at Eid.  Arrival of disposable and non disposable containers of rich sewai and steaming Hyderabadi Biryani from the neighbourhood, made our day. This was then followed by the whole neighbourhood, celebrating navratra. Some of the more auspicious days had us relishing sweets and snacks from multiple households as they celebrated in their own unique ways. Little girls were in demand too, for the well known "feast for the girls" ritual. We missed Diwali, as we were in India, but I am sure there must have been much festivity then, and finally Christmas is here.

For children living in England, Christmas is about gifts and decorations and for the local people it is also a time for family gatherings. Our customary walks to the beach were much more lively during the holidays as extended families in groups were walking together, apart from the usual dog walkers. There were even wreaths laid on the seats looking out to the sea, which had been erected in memory of couples from the previous century, who had perhaps enjoyed the beach then,as much as we do today.

Christmas is about decorated wards, shops and houses. Christmas brings to life, the otherwise depressing and dull winter. But what most families like ours, simply cannot escape, is putting up and decorating the Christmas tree and finding presents to go underneath it. Children love the suspense of looking longingly at the increasing pile of gifts under the tree to be opened on Christmas day. At work, paper invitations of various Christmas get togethers go up on walls, for people to put their names down on. Though Christmas get togethers and exchange of gifts and cards can cause a lot of stress to a lot of people, some of whom have been known to say- "I hate Christmas"

On Christmas day too, our melting pot neighbourhood, did not fail us. We were treated to sweets and snacks from a South Indian Christian family. Trying to explain to my son, why Christmas was more important for this Indian friend and neighbour, even though the rest had Christmas trees peeping out of their windows, was interesting.

His observation that he would not like to move into a big house as he will lose all his friends was made note of, by us. I will remind him, when he is older, looking for a bigger house, bigger car....when life will be much more, than tearing around over hills and plains, in rain and snow in his bike!

Hopefully he will still have friends to bike around with!

मीठी मीठी यादें

बड़े दिनों से देवर जी की ख्वाइश थी कि मै हिन्दी में लिखूं । हाल फिलहाल की भारत यात्रा, इस श्री गणेश के लिए अति उत्तम है।

भारत जाना हमेशा एक निराला अनुभव होता है। दोस्तों रिश्तेदारों से मिलना, बाज़ारों के चक्कर...हालाँकि हर बार कुछ न कुछ एकता कपूर के नाटक कि तरह दिलचस्प और रक्तचाप बढ़ाने वाला हो ही जाता है लेकिन फिर भी.....

बच्चों के खिल खिले चेहरे देख कर ज़रूर दो किलो खून बढ़ जाता है। फिर चाहे वो सड़क पर चलते वाहन रोक कर पटाखे चला रहे हों, पड़ोसी की छत पर अपनी रॉकेट की उड़ान देख रहे हों या चाचा के सामने बैठ कर स्कूटर चलाने का लुफ्त उठा रहे हों,  या जीप के पिछले  हिस्से में खड़े हो कर हवा खा रहे हों.लेकिन इस बार तो दीवाली के अलावा उन्होंने दिल्ली दर्शन भी किया.

काश अगर हम भी बच्चे होते ....हम तो कोल्हू के बैल बने हैं, धोबी के गधे ....दुनिया भर के धंधों में हमारी भारत यात्रा का मुख्य ध्येय था, एक ज़माने पहले खरीदी हुई दुकान को अपने नाम कराना. भारतवासी भली तरह वाकिफ होंगे की पैसों से खरीदी हुई खुद की चीज़ को सरकार  के नज़र में अपना केहेलवाने  के लिए कितने पापड बेलने पड़ते हैं.

हमने अपने पापड़, दिल्ली हवाई अड्डे पर कदम रखने, के कई दिनों पहले से बेलने शुरू कर दिए थे। दिल्ली में रहने वाला हमारा छोटा भाई, फ़ोन पर हमारी आवाज़ सुन सुन कर पक गया था.  उस बेचारे ने जीजू का मान रखने के लिए बिल्डर, बैंक, वकील सबके चक्कर काटे लेकिन इसके बावजूद हम कुतुब मीनार को दूर से ही तरसती आंखों से देखते हुए , कमल मन्दिर से माफ़ी मांगते हुए, वकील के घर जो सुबह पहुंचे तो शाम को लौटे।

वकील के घर,  हम जैसे कई लोग अपने फ्लैट की रजिस्ट्री के लिए बैठे थे. एक दम्पति अमेरिका से आये थे. हम सब एक दुसरे का परिचय ले और दे ही रहे थे की हस्ताक्षर के लिए पोथियाँ पकडा दी गयीं. बीसियों पन्ने और हर पन्ने पर बाएं हाथ के अंगूठे के निशान और हस्ताक्षर दोनों, दोनों जन के. काफी मेहनत और लगन से हम इस कार्य में जुट गए. कहाँ हस्ताक्षर हो रहें हैं, कागज़ पर क्या लिखा है, सही है या नहीं, इस सब की फुर्सत कहाँ.  चूँकि सब इस दलदल में फंसे थे, किसी ने यह सवाल उठाया भी नहीं की यह पुलिंदा हमे एक दिन पहले पढने के लिए देना तो था.

अब तक तो सब एक दुसरे को जानने लगे थे, स्याही, कलम से एक दुसरे की मदद भी कर रहे थे. तालाब के  दूसरे छोर पर अटकी नैया में बैठे सभी बड़ी जल्दी एकजुट हो जाते हैं. मंजिल एक हो तो हाथ अपने आप एक दूसरे को थाम लेते हैं.

फिर शुरू हुआ इंतज़ार का सिलसिला "हमारा आदमी कार्यालय में है, जैसे ही हमारा नंबर आएगा, हमे फ़ोन करेगा" फिर बिल्डर वाले  साहब से अमेरिका से आये हुए साहब ने पूछा "मोबाइल का बिल कंपनी देती है?" जवाब मिला "कहाँ साहब, बिल भी खुद देते हैं और मंदी की वजह से तनख्वाह भी ज़माने से नहीं बढ़ी."

मुझे समझ में नहीं आता की कुछ साल पहले, बिना मोबाइल के  कैसे काम चलता था. आजकल तो टैक्सी, धोबी, नाई, बढई....सब "व्यस्त हैं, कृपया इंतज़ार करें".  भारत के ये  छोटे स्तर के व्यवसायी, सी एन एन पर एक दिन चर्चा का विषय बने हुए थे. संवाद दाता सड़क  के किनारे  पर बैठ कर नकली दांत बनाने वाले और उनकी दक्षता पर टिपण्णी कर रही थी, जब उससे अहम् सवाल किया गया-"क्या कोई भी इंडिया में टैक्स देता है?" अच्छा
 सवाल है.

काफी देर के इंतज़ार के बाद उसी क्षण पचीस हज़ार रुपये की मांग की गयी- आपकी दुकान की मार्केट वैल्यू बढ़ गयी है, इसलिए स्टांप ड्यूटी भी. झट पट घर जाकर दोनों माताओं के बटुए टटोल कर हम फिर हाज़िर हुए बाएँ अंगूठे और कलम के साथ. वकील के यहाँ चौकीदारी  करने वाले चहचहाते पक्षी अपने पंख समेट कर मुरझाये से बैठे थे. पता लगा "साहब" दादरी गए हैं, बस किसी मिनट आने वाले हैं. जब तक साहबजी दुर्लभ बने हुए थे, हमने चाट और पान का मज़ा लिया. वापसी में हमारे साथ इंतज़ार करने वाले  मिल गए. सुबह वाले जोश में सब बोले "आपको पहले चाट खाने जाना था"

फिर हम एक कमरे का ग्रेटर नॉएडा प्राधिकरण का कार्यालय, वहां पहुंचे. एक तरफ पंखे के नीचे एक बाबू अपने सामने खुली पोथी और पीछे बंद पोथियों के ढेर के बीच बैठे थे. कमरे के बीच में पारदर्शी दीवार थी और उस दीवार में तीन छोटी छोटी खिड़किया थीं. दीवार के दूसरी तरफ दुर्लभ वस्तु यानी "साहब" बैठे थे, एसी में. हर खिड़की के पीछे एक बाबू  और सामने एक कुर्सी थी. बाबू  आवाज़ देते, हमे कुर्सी पर टिकाया जाता, डिजीटल कैमरा से हमारा चित्र और स्कैनर  से हमारे बाएं अंगूठे का निशान लिया जाता और फिर अगला नाम पुकारा जाता.

भूत शहर की पदवी पाने वाले, मंदी की मार से जूझते अमेरिकी शहर, डेत्रोइत से आये हुए साहब से रहा नहीं गया और बोल पड़े- "मंदी , यह  मंदी है ?" जींस पहने दम्पति ने कार्यालय के चारों ओर अस्थायी रूप से बने सैकडों नोटरी, वकील इत्यादि की दुकानों में  खड़े दर्जनों लोगों को नज़रंदाज़ करते हुए, एक दूसरे के कमर में हाथ डाल कर तस्वीर खिंचवाई. सब ने एक दूसरे को मुबारक बाद दी.

दूकान हमारे नाम हुई लेकिन योगदान बहुत सारे लोगों का था. हम सब मिल कर कवाब फैक्ट्री गए. कवाब फैक्ट्री के मेनू में से बीच की दाल  सब्जी का सिलसिला हटा देना चाहिए. पेट बेचारा तो नाना प्रकार के कवाब(शाकाहारी भी) से ही भर जाता है और फिर मिष्टान्न तो जैसे कैबरे करती हुई हेलन गा  रही हो "अब तो आजा" भला इसे यानी मिष्टान्न को कौन ना  कह सकता है. कुल्फी, फिरनी, जलेबी रबडी, गुलाब जामुन, शाही टुकडा....

हम वापस आ गए बाकी रह गयीं सिर्फ मीठी मीठी यादें!